70 Months Later

In April 2009, I went down to Portland for a youth group trip for Acquire the Fire. I was a little 8th grader who felt so mature because I was in the youth group and I had my best friend by my side as we wandered the concourse on our own. It felt like we could take on the world. I attended my first concerts that weekend. There was worship. There were speakers (both the electric and human kinds). There were flashy lights and tears and new thoughts and experiences. Little did I know how much that weekend would have an impact on my life and how much I would think back on that weekend and the memories I made.

Basically, my first Acquire the Fire is where I always say Jesus really started to become tangible to me. To be completely honest, I don't remember a lot of details of the weekend. I feel like I remember a few silly phrases or some impactful songs. But I know remember Jesus because of the real relationship with Him which started to blossom there.

Since that first experience, a lot has happened. I've gone to a bunch of different concerts, I've been to three countries to share Jesus' love with people, and I have struggled through the hardest parts of my life. But God's faithfulness and the reality of my relationship with Jesus has only continued to grow, despite my biggest failures.

All that brings me to today. Today, I got to volunteer at the Rock and Worship Roadshow in the same building where Jesus started to become a person to me and more than just something I had grown up with. I sat in a seat in the nosebleeds after I finished what I was helping with and just watched. I was overwhelmed with thankfulness watching as thousands of people worshipped God. For many, it may have been their first time meeting Him. I was excited as I got to stand beside my older sister as she was in the middle of achieving one of her dreams, having been on the road for the last few days with the tour. I was proud as I got to see my little sister from across the arena as she had a huge smile on her face while she enjoyed her night, growing in friendships and in who she is at the core of her being.

It was so special to me to have a new memory formed in a location which already holds so many for me. Yet even better, it was such a blessing to be able to share that with two of my sisters, even if they didn't realize it.

Today was a new day with different people, different goals and as a different person but it was all in a place so special to me and I count it a blessing to chalk up another day to really living.

Through the Why's

This morning I found out that my cousin had a miscarriage. I felt like a stone dropped in my stomach and "Why, God?" flitted through my mind immediately. To have a baby's heart stop beating. For a mom to be faced with the daunting task of explaining to her small children that they aren't going to have a little brother or sister who they had already started choosing names for. Why this family? Why this mother? Why again?

But then another thought flowed through my heart and mind.

There will be redemption.

The last time this cousin had a miscarriage, with her next pregnancy, she was blessed with twins. Two bundles of joy who are best friends and who were blessed with a little brother only a couple years later.

God redeems. He blessed my cousins with double the children of a normal pregnancy right after they lost their first baby. It reminds me of the song "Blessed Be Your Name" with its line, "Though the sorrow may last for a night, joy comes in the morning!"

Honestly, I can't imagine their pain right now. I don't know what it's like to hear a solid heartbeat at one doctor's appointment and at the next, hear nothing. To be honest? I pray I never know that pain. But through it, through the tears, hard times, explanations, and the throwing why's at God, I know there is redemption on the horizon and I know that He is there through the hard times.

The same is true for any situation. Through the questions and the wandering, when God seems to hide His face, His character does not change. Lean on Him and trust in Him as you walk through the hard times. If you ever want someone to pray for you, let me know. Prayer can move mountains.